Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
