Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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