You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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