i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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