Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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