I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize