I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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