My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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