just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
