I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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