Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
