I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
