i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
