Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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