cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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