she woke up with a sticky ear
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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