found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
