yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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