Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
