nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
