So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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