i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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