Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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