i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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