the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
