You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
