Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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