Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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