I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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