my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
