I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
