I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
