The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
