I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
