I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize