he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
why is half of my head shaved?
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