You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
