And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
God, I missed his penis.
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