Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
