What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
