just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
