i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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