Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
