if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
