i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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