No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
