The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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