Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
