allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
