two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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