OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
