is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
