I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
