my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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