so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize