how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
