I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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