if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
