I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
