it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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