The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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