I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
