if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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