FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
