dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
